Seriously, who blogs anymore?

I do. I've been trying to figure out stuff in my life for the past few weeks, and the only conclusion that I've come to is that I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. For example, I don't know what to think about my family anymore. I grew up being taught that family was the most important thing in the world. I was taught that you were supposed to drop everything if it meant being there for your family, no matter what. And i believed all of that. For most of my life I considered my family to be the most important thing to me, bar none. Now I'm not so sure. My mom never listens to me. This isn't the winy teenager "Oh my parents just don't understand me" kind of not listening. This is the "Wow, my mom doesn't listen to a word I say" kind of not listening. Every time I try to talk to her she just starts lecturing me anymore, and I hate it more than anything. How do I know that she doesn't listen to me? Because whenever I have a problem, instead of asking me how she could help, or just give me some words of encouragement, she just tells me how someone in my family had it worse than me. I'm pretty much tired of hearing about that. I've heard every story, every anecdote, every situation that anyone in my family has ever been in and how their situation was so much worse than mine. Yeah, that helps me feel better, mom. You always know just what to say. Now I'm starting to have issues with my dad. Now, my parents are divorced and that has really put a damper on me and my dad's relationship. We were never really that close to begin with, but I always looked up to him. However, now that he has gotten past his divorce, he tries to be my friend instead of my dad. The thing is, I really need to him to be my dad. I'm going through a rough part in my life right now and him trying to be my friend doesn't really help me. I seriously hate it because he always seems to want to tell me about his hookups and drama with women. That something that I never want to hear about from my dad. It really makes me not want to talk to him. After my parents though, its my little brother. Now I really don't have any problems with my little brother. My little brother joined the Marine Corps which has been really hard on me. He's one of the few people that I really trust completely. Its hard having him gone. When my mom and dad were going through all their divorce bullshit, all i really had was my little brother. We used to fight a lot, but after I went to college, me and him got really close. Now, I really don't think that I really trust anyone more than I trust him. I don't get to talk to him much anymore, and it hurts me everyday. Pretty soon he's gonna get shipped over seas and I won't be able to talk to him much at all. I'm really worried about it. I know there's nothing I can do for him, but I'm just not sure how I'm gonna be able to handle it. I really need him, and with the little I talk to him now, its hard enough. I really can't wait until he comes home.

My Home Away From Home

Here I am again in the library. I swear I've spent more waking hours here than I have at my house this week. I try and try and try to leave, but somehow it keeps pulling me back in like a four-story, brick black hole. Now I'm writing a paper for my management class that I actually have already done a lot of work on, but just haven't realized it. The only problem is that I am so burned out right now, I am having a hard time forcing myself to write what little I actually need to write. That probably means that I'll be here for quite some time even though I'm really beginning to despise this place. I really can't wait for school to be done and over with. Only four more weeks!!! I'm just hoping I can make it through these four weeks without losing it. The one thing that I do know, however, is that I need a job. Not necessarily for the money, but for the activity. If I spend this summer on my ass just sitting around waiting for school to start back up again, I think I'll go absolutely insane. Oh, an update on my paper: I definately don't have one of the key parts to it here with me. Its at my house. That means I'm eventually going to have to go back and get it and either bring it back here or risk working on my paper at my house where there are a multitude of distractions. Great

Setting It Aflame

Goddammit, I hate this day. I have been beating my head against this wall which is my Sales paper all day and I am getting no where. Here's the kicker, it is supposed to be done by 5 tomorrow. Even though I did procrastinate, which I admit, I don't think I could finish this paper before today anyway. I really have no idea what I'm writing down and I can't find a good place to write this motherfucker. I've been to the library 3 separate times today. I've tried writing it at home and here, but I just haven't been able to stay focused on it. Such is my life I guess, I don't know what to do so I just bullshit everything until something comes out that isn't an absolute piece of shit. I guess I'm just getting frustrated with everything right now. This includes, but isn't limited to, School and my personal life. With school, I'm not sure I'm doing what is right for me. I took some online quizzes that were supposed to tell you what I would be good at and enjoy doing, but what do they know. Apparently I'm going in the right direction, but I just don't feel it. I would just like to know that I'm on the right track, or if I'm not, what could I do to fix it. And that kind of leads into my personal life. I have never felt more alone than I have lately. I don't mean lonely as in I need a relationship, but actually alone. Its hard right now because sometimes I feel like no one has my back. And because of this, I'm letting people know about less and less of my life, which kind of makes me scared. I'm really afraid that I'm gonna be one of those guys that doesn't have anybody who talks to him and talks to no one. Its some scary shit. Things have been getting better for me as of late, but I really need someone that always has my back right now. I need it more than anything.

How 'bout a quickie?

So I'm writing this quickly as I'm waiting to go to my last class of the day. I feel like I should report on my happenings on St. Patty's day. It was everything I could have ever dreamed of. I was very, very drunk. And that about covers it. I made some dumb phone calls, some dumb texts, you know, nothing out of the ordinary. But alas, I was pretty hungover yesterday. But don't worry your little heads about it. I over came all of my obstacles and woke up. It was a a successful day.

The Return

So I haven't posted a blogs in a while, but St. Patrick's Day seems as good a time as any to resume my bloggeration. Not really to much to report on my life, I've been pretty boring. However, I did go to the mall today and in addition to finding a sweet St. Patty's Day shirt, I also found a couple things to add to my "hate list." For starters, I hate Hannah Montana, I really don't have a good reason and I don't need one. I just plain hate her. I hate everything that she is, has, or ever will stand for. She is everything that is wrong with Amer.... Nay, the world!!! The second thing to add to my list is parents who keep their kids on leashes. That is just plain wrong on so many levels. First, are you afraid that your kid is going to run away? The kid is one year old, he has legs that are only about a foot long!! Maybe I should give you a pass on this one, you're probably too fat to chase the kid for more than two feet anyway. Second, why not just hold your child's hand? Are you that adverse to physical contact with another human being? Even your own offspring? And don't give me any of that "Oh I don't know where that hand's been" bullshit. You're the kid's parent!! It's your job to know where that hand's been! And thirdly, a leash is just plain insulting to the kid. I know that this last part may seem a little off. I mean, how many ways are there that can make a toddler feel bad about itself. Let's count, there's not getting cookies, getting told "no," and leashes.... Am I forgetting anything? I didn't think so. You just better hope beyond hope that no one ever takes his picture while he is leashed, and if said picture already exists, you better hope none of his friends ever see it. Why might you ask? Have you ever met High Schoolers? His friends won't be his friends anymore! He'll just be a lonely, lonely bastard for the rest of his life. And why? All because you thought it necessary to leash the poor kid like a common mutt. Good job parent, I hope your child meets someone that can put his life on track, because that someone is definately not you.

'Til next time!!!